Sans the better half

The pain of losing someone close, close enough to quickly forget the loss, is what has engaged my mind all this while. My maternal grandmother (Nani) left for her heavenly abode on 6th of this month. The news was something which we knew was going to float, keeping in view her bad health, but was something which we were never, not at all, prepared to hear.

Writing this blog, as if putting a spell on me, has made me weep silently. Having seen her for a lifetime, I can determinedly say that some part of her is alive in me, and of course, in the people who had met her too frequently to call her an acquaintance. A true sweetheart, she shall stay irreplaceable in my mind; nor do I intend to ever let her memories go off it.  

In all the ceremonies which had to happen post she cashed in her chips, I saw a lot of relatives, who I had seldom seen before, coming, crying, sympathizing, condoling and leaving for their homes—as if doing some formality. I saw distant relatives explaining why the death should not be cried over much, as she was really ill, has left flourishing family behind, had seen three healthy generations or was just old enough to live anymore. I also saw people joining in just to catch up with other relatives and to exchange numbers. This really broke my heart.

 

Despite the overfriendly mannerism of our sweet relatives, I see a person who has been, undoubtedly, affected the most because of what happened to my Nani, my maternal grandfather (Nana)—the man who had spent more than 55 years of his life with this lady. Honestly speaking, I had never seen my Nana publicly cuddling my Nani or showing his affection in any manner out in the sun. For the best part of my life, I believed that my Nana doesn’t love her at all. My mindset, how amazingly, got changed in just four days!

Their bond has been a very queer, yet an interesting one. My Nana has been chronically dependent on my Nani, right from the time when he got married to her, for all the things you could think of. My Nani was literally his right hand. When old age approached both of them, they had this cute way of expressing love to each other, by just being there. One’s aura always helped the other get over any disease, big or small, without much fight.

I could say that they never loved each other, I never saw my Nana running extra mile for my Nani, doing anything which could make her smile, but I now see that the love that they shared was above earthly matters of pleasing or appeasing. The presence of one was love to the other. The feeling that the togetherness will defeat all the problems defined their love. Old age hasn’t been easy on anyone, but standing with a big bat to fight them out together was love to my grandparents. I remember my Nana complaining to me that Nani doesn’t bother to have all her checkups done on time and my Nani saying, ‘Inki mat sun, inko kuch pata nahi hota’…
 

 
Now, standing at this point in his life, I see my Nana the loneliest person on this planet. Fighting with old age alone will be looking heck a big task. I see their love now, more evidently. I see him looking at her bed and losing to some thought process. I see his eyes, as if waiting for some miracle. I see my Nana crying his guts out, giving up to the fact that death defeats all. There’s no big bat to fight this away. I salute their love which was there, invisible to all of us. The love was in togetherness, the love is in the aura.

Embracing the unconventional

We belong to Gen Y as they call it—the modern lot, the lot who knows what it has to do, the right time to do it and takes full responsibility of its deeds. We are open-minded and thus, stand with open arms whenever anyone talks about accepting any sort of change. Any topic which could be a subject of buzz around, be it LSBT, cross-cultural or cross-country matrimonial alliances, BDSM relationships, voicing out loud one’s opinion in public, keeping a baby without getting married, is easily accepted by us. Huh? Wait, what instance did I quote in the end? Ugh! 

I am jotting down the news I heard during random talks over coffee with friends about a girl who was pregnant without being married. We must have seen this in numerous movies and this also must be happening with millions of girls around the globe. Contradicting the popular belief of aborting the child the moment one gets to know, this girl decides to keep the baby, understanding the fact that she will have to do all parts of the job alone. Though she has secured the support from her parents, which itself is a big thing—too big to digest in one shot, the society still looks at it scornfully; we, Gen Y disgust it. This student of LSR, walks with her head held high, and gels pretty well with the fact that she already is a mom now and the world knows how!

I would really want to know your first reaction to this, had this happened to someone close or too near to let her thoughts go off your mind easily. There is not anything weird, for there are divorcees who live with their kids after parting with their spouses; in fact, this is the same saga told in a twisted manner. Despite everything, why accepting this doesn’t come easy?

I should have been proud of her, as being modern, this is something which is expected of me and from people belonging to the same circle, but why this girl finds herself a part of random coffee conversations between people who don’t even know her by face? Why is she a subject of mockery by teens, a subject of disgust, a topic to discuss and blackguard? No generation is modern enough to reject the ideologies of the previous generation and walk with a white page to write down its own. Some theories do trickle down to the next generation and determine the general behavior.

I do want to change my attitude towards the thing I have come through, tell the girl that having made the decision to keep the baby, she has survived the challenges to hold up her own light for the world. She is, in fact, sending out a message to all the girls who have been through similar situations but had to give up to the circumstances, not to ever doubt their gifts or value they hold to the world. It is important for her to ground herself to this new reality, to be retold that she is not crazy. Together we are lighting up a pathway to a beautiful future of peace, prosperity and joy – a world where heart and soul are the beacons one is guided by.

I would like to thank her for sharing her light, an era of true modernism is dawning, at last!