Why Do You No Longer Ask?

This is the question to all the new age women, who love putting themselves into various shoes in an attempt to prove them as independent – why do you no longer ask? There were and there are strong pillars of a house existing right there; yet, why do you no longer register their presence? You have the power and the ability and, then, there comes sharing not only responsibilities but also desires, wishes and dreams; the question is why do you no longer let anyone enter that sphere of your mind?

I recall a conversation that I had with a colleague while on my way back home. She was utterly dissatisfied with the paltry salary she drew every month and thought she won’t ever be able to realize her bigger, expensive dreams. When asked what those bigger, expensive dreams were, ‘travelling, diamonds and clothes’ was all she said with a heavy sigh. I remember her boasting about her well-off family and her husband, who was down-to-earth despite being placed at a very high position in a reputed MNC. I wondered why she doesn’t ask her husband to participate in fulfilling her dreams, why she doesn’t  ask him to contribute. I probably would have done that tad too loud that she came back to add to what she had already said. She remarked, “I am not cheap to ask my husband to fulfill my dreams.” I could not find words to frame a reply then, but this sentence left me awake way past my bed time. ‘Why not?’ was all I wanted to question.

There were days when men would take care of their partners as a responsibility. There was an unsaid, mutually consented procedure of leading life, celebrating festivities, attending to extended family and saving money. Although there was only one person earning, the efforts of the other to nourish the family never went unnoticed. The wife would proudly ask her husband to fulfill all her demands, no matter how big or small. The question is – has earning left us, women, in a bad shape, where we are not able to suffice our expectations of ourselves and not able to extend our hand in order to ask? This egotistical aspect of our personalities has come to light now, when we have some money in our hands, but the responsibilities have nowhere gone down.

The funny thing is that the male counterpart in the house still appears ready to play his role, but alas! he’s being kept in the dark regarding the matters going on in the mind of the wife. He would well be ready to come back with a solution or an answer if only he was given a chance, but he’s being deliberately detached from the inner self of his woman, the self which dreams.

Here’s small message to all those who have stopped asking their partners to dive into their dreams – go and command! Create a common domain which might give way to utmost happiness for the family. Ask your partner for a ring, a suit, a shirt or a holiday. Work towards it in collaboration and enjoy the immense satisfaction your current status of ‘working’ will bless you with. After all, the fact that you ‘earn’ shouldn’t mean you should stop ‘asking’ for things since you now already have the money to fulfill your desires. It should rather mean that the family gets a better lifestyle with all the dreams getting comfortably fulfilled.      

Largely Inquisitive

‘Check your dupatta and don’t let it fall off your shoulder’, Ma reminded Alka as they set out for a blind date, to meet a prospective family they might want to extend relations with. The Khanna’s have been looking for a groom for Alka for quite some time now, seven months to be precise, but have not been able to meet someone who would even closely satisfy the expectations of four members of the immediate family and the rest forty-five of the extended one. This particular prospect looked close enough to the ideal and, thus, everyone was interested to know more about them.

Kudos to the Internet and the startups mushrooming today, for they have not left any possible thing one could think of having done not having a way out online. From finding a groom to getting married to planning a kid to finding a lawyer – Google has an answer to all. Internet had played a role massive enough in the life of Alka that now she was about to meet someone she might just end up sleeping with for the rest of her life. That was only one of the aspects of the married life, she knew, but a grand one she just couldn’t let her thoughts off from.

Alka had always been an average performer throughout her life, according to her parents. She never scored ‘excellent’ to top in the class nor she cleared any of the famous entrance exams post high school. Therefore, her parents never expected big out of her and, surprisingly, so did Alka. She had a different perspective of looking at her life. Though she never topped any exams taken in school or post that, she still held a successful career of a data analyst, thanks to her keenness in mathematics. She was getting decently paid, not even close to what her ‘better performing’ classmates were, but decent enough for her to spend and save. She never attempted at the impossible but always expected great things to happen to her despite that. All her life before this day, she had had a lot of ‘close’ friends she used to hang out with, but none of them was ‘ideal’ enough for her parents to let her settle with. Thus, this day.

A family of four met a clan of three, all trying to fit awkwardly in a table for six in TGIF, Rajouri; thanks to the weekend and discounts up everywhere that successfully pulled out even the non-shoppers to come out and shop and, also, eat. While the families were busy in exchanging pleasantries, the two, Alka and Nakul, were just able to exchange glances. She had studied his profile on merishadi.com, tried to find him on every social media possible – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, GooglePlus, LinkedIn and, even, Tinder and she believed he would have done his part of investigations, too.

She was here on a purpose – either to find a better person than all her past beaus or to prove her parents wrong. She had gulped whole bunch of articles learning how to behave on your first date, like how to impress a family on your first meeting with them, how to drop subtle hints to the boy that there’s more to you, how to catch the ideal fish and how do you know he’s the one. Internet, once again, could play a massive role by being a sound informer to her. After having a pizza with a brick-like base, topped with chicken crumbs and a lot of cheese, it occurred to the elders that they should let the two speak to each other in private. Thus, a long walk down the aisle leading to the staircase and back.

This time, these moments, Alka has been waiting for this since the time they met. She finally waited for him to break the ice. With semblance to a corporate interview, Nakul began interrogating Alka about her life, her present and her plans for future. She bounced the same questions back at him and found him to be quite interesting. A few questions, some jokes and the meeting ended there.

The families liked each other as much as they had liked the profiles about each other on merishadi. Time flew and the two asked for more time and space to fill up with them unfurling. Long chats, unending text conversations and frequent phone calls had helped these two strangers know great deal about each other. Internet, once again, was her savior as she could talk as well as see him online for as good as free. She just loved technology and the time she was born in, when it is blooming at an unmatched pace.

There was a road which they were both treading on, the road which at first glance seemed really dark, and the one which was lightening itself up with each step taken forward. However, this road had a drawback; it lost all its sheen for every step taken backward. Nakul was forthcoming in revealing everything about himself, how he was not good with girls, or rather with the girls who did not find him interesting enough unless he had started earning, about how his relationships with these girls could never lead to any fling and how he only dreamt about the ones he could possibly hitch with but couldn’t, thanks to his lack of self-confidence.

In spite of him being extroverted about his life, Alka was smart enough to always weigh everything before she spoke. For her, the fact that their vibes matched was pretty much enough for them to start living together. It didn’t matter to her if he was new or a player, for she was prepared to never be judgmental on any grounds. Nakul, on the other hand, was largely inquisitive about her past, as he didn’t have any ‘darn happening’ thing ever happened to him and he, anyway, held a right to be informed.

On a final meeting before their marriage, Alka had to ventilate her thoughts out on what she feels is right. With tone full of pragmatism, she said, ‘I see this coming life together as a long vacation, the one which will bring us many surprises, happiness, tears and challenges along the way but it will be happy as long as we only tread forward. There’s a clear line of differentiation in time before I met you and the one after it. What really happened back then would always sound like a story to you and I’m no good a storyteller. So, the questions you’ve deep in your mind but never put forth, about my virginity, about how I came to know about sex, about how I ‘felt’ about my body changing and if I ever took any stupid steps to get answers to this inquisitiveness will all be interesting subjects for us to talk long on, but the ‘real’ answers for you to believe in will neither be blown nor they will be shown. You’re welcome if you, too, are willing to look forward on the path, while having interesting tête-à-tête over bottles of beer chilling right now, somewhere in the future.’

Nakul had no reasons why he should still be inquisitive about the ‘stories’ from the past.

Long distance, Skype and the things which irk me the most

I have to thank technology for its whole, truckload of contribution in my life. I would not have been able to survive a long-distance relationship if it wasn’t there. I know thousands of couples continue to kindle their relationships, no matter how far their spouses would be, through whatever combustible environment technology provides them.

Back in time, when it was decided that my spouse would be moving out of the nation in search of greener pastures, I was deeply disappointed for I knew my weekends would lose their meaning – and they did. I started to look sad and ugly on weekends, too (I work from home on the five weekdays and the weekends were the only time when I, all dolled up, got to step out of the four walls I constantly stared at the rest of the days). Anyway, time swooshed by and I couldn’t even get to know when it was five months already.

For all these days, we constantly were in touch – through phone (thanks to the free international minutes VoIP blesses you with) and Skype. Yes, this latter application has impeccably bridged the distance and talking is almost like catching up over coffee. A slight difference still exists – on our coffee dates, I looked the best of me and he, well he “tried” to look good J. Now, our dates are a mirror of how we would “actually” look at home.

It’s been quite some time since we have been putting this application to serious use and, now, I have started to get irked by it. Why? Well, at times, while talking, he would pan the phone camera across his flat and I would suddenly feel like flying to his place. And you smell romance here?! Read on.

I get deeply bothered by the mess around there and feel itched to CLEAN HIS ROOM (and fly back J)! Right from the kitchen to the hall and further to the bedroom, I don’t see a place a person could possible sit on or at. Ohkay, I might be getting way too serious about the normal behavior of ‘boys’ as you say, but what do you have to say about the concept of ‘cleaning’. Cleaning home, according to him, means packing his bag – just the bag!

Meanwhile; somewhere on the planet.

Precisely, an easy out to most of the problems out there!

As I calm down, I understand there are ways people live by and it’s not necessary yours would perfectly overlap with your partner’s and I totally believe contrasts like these give way to a rainbow of colors you would not have ever noticed had life been spick-and-span like a monochrome light.

To put off the heat of the argument, he has a strategy which seems to work, almost always. I am rather compelled to stop ranting when I am told I sound more like a girl. Fact check: I am a girl. Super-twist: I never want to sound like one. Reason: No, that’s not an insult. Further explanation: Stop pissing me off, will you? I am a perfect mix of the best of the girl and the boy traits (with the former dominating a bit. A BIT.) No matter what, messy room is not acceptable. No, I don't want to see it all over again. Wait! I would not be able to see you otherwise. I love Skype. Rant Over.

Backatcha!

  

Fifteen Things Indian Women Should STOP Doing in the Gym

So, it's a big deal for you that you've joined a gym and you're really excited about it. Here's a quick guide to help you with what happens in the gym and how not to participate in this if you ever intended to do that?

1.      Asking naturally slim girls if they’ve lost their minds or their ways that they’ve landed up in a gym:

Serious flaw with the mentality: we just cannot gulp down the fact that a gym is not a furnace for overweights to burn their love handles in. Instead, it is a setup meant for working out, not restricted to people with their weights falling in any particular range on the weighing scale. I must have faced this question around hundred times from ten different ladies (yes, they bother to ask the same question twice, thrice, or as many times as they please, till they don’t hear you saying you had extra money you just didn’t know where to dump) all searching for answers, I never figured out right.

Why is SHE even allowed here?

2.      Recommending modelling as a career to all the evidently lean girls:

I remember once a middle-aged woman urged me to take my headphones, which I had plugged in happily while working out, off just to tell me that if, by any chance, I don’t study anywhere and if I'm not working, too, I should opt for modelling as a career, because she thinks I perfectly fit the bill. No, I do not resemble any popular actor/model; I just appear thinner compared to the rest there. Honestly, I was flattered hearing the compliment but I lost faith in humanity after I heard her saying the same bloody thing to another lean girl who had just joined the same gym. Bloody kidder!

3.      Asking every other thin girl, but the instructor, a few ‘effective’ workout tips:

“These exercises the instructor has recommended don’t really seem to work; do you have any better in mind, the ones that you follow, to share with me?” I was scandalized when I heard a lady asking me while I was doing crunches. 

Fact check: slim girls know no crosscut to get you your curves back. Probably, they are fighting their way to reach there, too. There are absolutely NO shortcuts. Back to crunches. Five. Six. Seven. Eight.

4.      Gossiping within the time they allocate to exercising

Why? I am dying, almost choking, to know the reason! The reason why it’s tough for women to refrain from chatting the moment they see someone from the same breed. You’ve got one effing hour to spend in the gym, out of which you happily babble away half in discussing things which do no good in cutting your tyres. Applause. You're near to a brighter, slimmer you, IN YOUR DREAMS!

5.      Wearing tight-fitted clothes, or the clothes they possibly want to fit in, to the gym

Ohkay! So, you’ve bought a brand new legging from Puma, one size smaller by choice, so that you fit into it when you work out. No, you don’t; unless, of course, you work hard for some time to be able to do that. Please don’t spoil the scenic beauty of the gym by wearing clothes that not highlight, but choke your assets to death. Mercy, please.   

6.      Not wearing appropriate gym clothes

Reference: sports bra. I understand you never bought one, because you thought Daisy Dee or Shrimati was always a better brand; but, understand that every time you cycle hard, rock that stepper or do aerobics on “jee karda bai jee karda, tenu kol bithava jee karda”, you give your knockers a rather bigger playground to roll in. Tame these kids. Please.  

7.      Flashing their bling while they workout

“A new ring? I’ve gotta show them all. Instructor, I have a problem. THIS one. Cycle with one hand, the other busy in adjusting the ring. THIS one. Picking the dumbells, turning the wrist to 360 degrees just to show the girl standing immediately next the new bling on the finger. THIS one. I honestly give a damn. THIS way.  

8.      Assuming that working out gives them the liberty to eat whatever they wish to

Overheard: I went for a chat party with my family yesterday. You know, coming to gym daily gives me liberty to have whatever I wish to. I feel SO fresh. 

My take: Round of applause for you. Bullcrap!

9.      Asking girls, who don’t LOOK married, about their marriage

When is it happening? Has the guy been finalized? What’s your age? What do you do? Why don’t you take UPSC exams? What’s the package you draw? What on earth are you waiting for? Do you suffer from any chronic disease? How many stars are in their in Sagittarius constellation? What is the value of Pi? Who invented the wheel? What’s the procedure to operate on a patient looking for a kidney transplant, who also had a bypass surgery done recently, and has a high blood pressure, hyperthyroidism, hypertension, pneumonia and high-sugar level in blood? Water! Glucose! Somebody help; she has fainted!

10.  Asking instructor about her marriage

She is the one, who is technically training everyone to tread on the way out of their fat-skin days and she deserves to be spared. Yes. 

11.  Asking guard about his marriage

Guards? Ohkay. You have ample time and so does he, nightingales! Continue chirping, but out of the premises, please.

12.  Believing every random tips that comes handy regarding losing weight.

I overheard a middle-aged fat woman advising the other to drink warm water as and when she’s done with the workout to lose weight faster. NO, please. Don’t believe any Tom, Dick and Harry walking with an opinion regarding weight loss. Do NOT go by “Lose weight now, ask me how” behenji’s for they will make sure you end up saying, “Lost my money now, my tyres don’t please, somehow”.

13.  Not asking enough relevant question regarding the workouts:

Do this; do that. This way, turn right, then turn left. Madam, what are you doing? What my instructor has asked me to do. What is this meant for? Shut up; let me work out. Oops! Out of the scene.

My take: please ask questions for if you don’t bother to ask, the instructor won't bother to tell. Why this workout; which body part does this affect; weight load, gradual progression – ask it all. Consider it as if the exercise was to get married with some other one!

14.  Taking long breaks between workouts drinking water, wiping out sweat, taking selfies, checking statuses or just giving others nasty looks

You already lost the rhythm your body got into during the first workout session. Now, the fat went back to sleep and so will you. Long breaks only burn time, not your fat. Back on the twister. FAST.

15.  Giving dirty looks to every girl who wears lesser clothes than what is socially acceptable

Tank tops, shorts, capris, hot pants, leggings, bandeau – everything is acceptable as long as you’ve got a body to flaunt it right. Icky looks won’t get you a thing because if you think it is wrong, it's is undoubtedly your problem! Get over it and now, resume your running and keep that smile when you do that! :)   

Embracing the unconventional

We belong to Gen Y as they call it—the modern lot, the lot who knows what it has to do, the right time to do it and takes full responsibility of its deeds. We are open-minded and thus, stand with open arms whenever anyone talks about accepting any sort of change. Any topic which could be a subject of buzz around, be it LSBT, cross-cultural or cross-country matrimonial alliances, BDSM relationships, voicing out loud one’s opinion in public, keeping a baby without getting married, is easily accepted by us. Huh? Wait, what instance did I quote in the end? Ugh! 

I am jotting down the news I heard during random talks over coffee with friends about a girl who was pregnant without being married. We must have seen this in numerous movies and this also must be happening with millions of girls around the globe. Contradicting the popular belief of aborting the child the moment one gets to know, this girl decides to keep the baby, understanding the fact that she will have to do all parts of the job alone. Though she has secured the support from her parents, which itself is a big thing—too big to digest in one shot, the society still looks at it scornfully; we, Gen Y disgust it. This student of LSR, walks with her head held high, and gels pretty well with the fact that she already is a mom now and the world knows how!

I would really want to know your first reaction to this, had this happened to someone close or too near to let her thoughts go off your mind easily. There is not anything weird, for there are divorcees who live with their kids after parting with their spouses; in fact, this is the same saga told in a twisted manner. Despite everything, why accepting this doesn’t come easy?

I should have been proud of her, as being modern, this is something which is expected of me and from people belonging to the same circle, but why this girl finds herself a part of random coffee conversations between people who don’t even know her by face? Why is she a subject of mockery by teens, a subject of disgust, a topic to discuss and blackguard? No generation is modern enough to reject the ideologies of the previous generation and walk with a white page to write down its own. Some theories do trickle down to the next generation and determine the general behavior.

I do want to change my attitude towards the thing I have come through, tell the girl that having made the decision to keep the baby, she has survived the challenges to hold up her own light for the world. She is, in fact, sending out a message to all the girls who have been through similar situations but had to give up to the circumstances, not to ever doubt their gifts or value they hold to the world. It is important for her to ground herself to this new reality, to be retold that she is not crazy. Together we are lighting up a pathway to a beautiful future of peace, prosperity and joy – a world where heart and soul are the beacons one is guided by.

I would like to thank her for sharing her light, an era of true modernism is dawning, at last!

I am the Meaning of My Name

At times, (like many others, I’m sure) I get deeply annoyed when some random person comes up to me and asks the meaning of my name. Quirky enough? I don’t like to explain to each mortal on the planet what my name stands for.

I know, I have this weird sensitive nerve which gets bothered the moment someone, anyone, asks what my name betokens.

Flashback — I’ve always wondered the intent of my name—looked it up in dictionary, searched on Wikipedia, Googled it out but poor thing, I could not find the exact implications.

During my childhood, whenever my mom used to cuddle me, I remember putting this question up to her. Reason — I never was convinced by what she replied, sweet. Why, on earth, don’t I find this written anywhere but my mom’s cerebellum that my name implies sweetness!

Now, having been deeply disgusted for a long period of time, I have somewhat learnt to live with the fact that my name indicates nothing. It’s just a ‘short n sweet’ colloquial word. I try to forgive random people poking me by asking what my name indicates or those who reassure themselves by asking if this is a nickname. I forgive them all!

Also, the category who toils hard in listing out the word which sound alike, like China, Cheenu, Cheeni or Cheecho and the class which spells my name incorrectly. I, with a heavy heart, forgive them all!

Of late, when I hadn’t encountered any such thing in my life span, I strangely thought that people around me have grown over the fact that they could possibly make fun of my name, and thus, me. But very recently, while having lunch with a few colleagues, I suffered being the subject of mockery and reason was good old, my name. I was feeling so sorry for those guys who, I realized, could not mature over their infantile brain despite their bodies becoming huge to challenge a mammoth’s. On the spur of the moment, a ray from heaven or my brain thought of a way to figure out this problem once and for all.

(Mind you, this is for everyone who is living with an offbeat name.) Since we didn’t name ourselves, we don’t have to entertain amateurish mentality of kidskins here n there. And most of all, we recall the person, the individual, when we remember anyone in our mind! Does anyone try to guess the meaning too—Yes? Dude, I want to meet you and see how contrast a variety the genes of human beings can sport.

Take this for an instance, when I say Roger Federer, I don’t scratch my brain hard to look out for the meaning of his name in my vocabulary. I hardly care. I get moony about the tennis star, his aura and best of all, his work. In the same manner, I believe, when people would recall my name, they should draw in their minds a rough image of how skillfully I work, how efficiently I communicate and how pleasing I look and not what my name implies. So a declarative message to one n all who are yet to come up to me to explore the meaning of my name— I AM THE MEANING OF MY NAME!

*Case closed!*

The Fear of Non-existence

Do you know what knocks down a modern thinker and an urban dweller’s soul, especially if that soul resides in a female body? Its not the fear of some deadly animal like dinosaur, who might anytime come into the picture since we know that they have been there some where in history, all thanks to Steven Spielberg, or the fear of being married to a broke or an ugly man, or the major and grimmer ones… pimples, the other girl’s beau being more desirable, appearing as a butterball in public or what not!

Ahh… I think these all have been outmoded and a new fear which has sprouted, with due regards to certain adverse circumstances, is the fear of non-existence! This fear is eating away the feminine brain. Nowadays, a stretched arm to father, brother or spouse is next to experiencing a nightmare!

Thanks to fire that the concept of gender equity has fueled, the fair sex now can’t survive with a subordinate treatment. Slipping through ages, woman has never shared a parallel space with man and such is the outcome of ages of maltreatment that woman now stands for herself, without feeling the need of asking the other gender to do so. Be it in pain, in happiness, while winning, after losing, having survived or have lost, woman has learnt to be there for herself.

The heart of the matter is that the even the masculine sex now feels and understands the call of the hour, i.e., its-securer-to-bow-or-loose-your-job!

Watch out in any aspect of city life and you would be witnessing the male extending his arm for help in some or the other sphere of daily chore, be it at home or at work.

The topic to burn your brain on is when and how this massive change crept in that the gender once being associated with egotism, rawness, uncivil behavior, forthright position, authoritarian way of living, and always-right mental attitude is now finding pleasure in being called chivalrous, caring, cooperating, and to top them all, tender!

Towing it on a grimmer note, this has surely added immense pressure on female’s shoulders to outperform each time she is in the arena so as to escape being a matter of mockery by the counter sex. No wonder why females are chucking out males in all the top positions, because the fight is no more with them but with self. The fear of non-existence and the feeling of ending up being a dot if life would let be inside the four walls is horrifying each city girl today.

May be, that is why we find maximum number of girls moving out of their homes in the morning carrying their bags on the shoulders and an attitude to kick all the jackasses who dare to come in the way in their minds!

Thankfully, these winds of change bringing the phenomenal shift in attitudes have also brought along the realization of self-strength, self-confidence, faith, and confidence on self-capabilities by the female. No wonder, this could have happened way long back, but never mind, finally, the arena is ours!