CB: Chuck Bullshit!

I am sure you all must have seen this entire, front-page advertisement in a famous national daily and like me, you all must have been surprised to see the hype being created around a book. Chetan Bhagat; I should have guessed who could possibly be behind the whole campaign. This guy has reached a position in the industry, both publishing and cinema, where his words are considered worthy by financers to bet on.

I was able to digest, well almost, the fact that an author who has got nothing great to offer to the Indian literature has become the torch-bearer, a representative of the same. I am, suddenly, reminded of Honey Singh who proudly blabs out in his latest song that he would soon bring a Grammy home. Well, dreaming big bears no taxes or hidden charges, but all of us know what would the standard of the India music industrys be if he’s finally able to get one. Please chew and spit out the clichéd theory that Indian youth “wants” to hear to that kind of music. NO. Indian youth is being tortured to death by forcibly making them listen to these songs no matter where they go, be it clubs, bars, weddings, family functions or on any music channel, for that matter. It seems as if we are gagged by someone else’s choices.

Precisely, the same stands true for Chetan Bhagat. The fact that India Today’s Chief Editor, Arun Purie, had to write an article and explain WHY on earth he chose CB as his cover model for the August edition implies his feeling of guilt of having done something nobody expects of him – giving a revered space to someone who just doesn’t deserve. (India Today Editor-in-Chief Aroon Purie on Chetan Bhagat's forthcoming work of fiction)  

One Night @ the Call Centre, The 3 Mistakes of My Life, Five Point Someone, 2 States – I never found substance in any of his work and, now, his latest stint as a scriptwriter in the movie, Kick, has cooked up nothing but rotten Briyani this Eid for all the Salman Khan fans. Touted as the representative of Indian youth, a leader, a motivational speaker, Chetan Bhagat is trying to grab all possible accolades which could reserve him some space in media columns and TV talk shows.

There’s some deliberately concealed information beneath the buzz we hear around his upcoming book, Half Girlfriend. The fact that all the media bytes, advertisements and online publicity is being handled by Flipkart on its own expense is something we never hear about. Flipkart, on its attempt to outgrow other retailers like Amazon, Google or Kobo, is trying his hands at these marketing stunts. Further, the initial print run of the book is speculated to be two millions – a whopping number in a world where a print run of 5,000 grants the status of ‘bestseller’ to a book and where piracy comes as easy as poop.

I am sure his latest book would already have been bid for as a movie script by numerous prominent directors but all the avid readers know that whatever Chetan Bhagat writes is not only difficult to relate to, but also is tasteless, bitter tablet of BS served to someone who is out to savor the best delicacies being offered in publishing. It is surely not something readers die waiting for, contrary to popular belief. Chetan Bhagat is clearly not for someone who’s seen classic literature, exactly like Honey Singh is NOT for someone who knows what music is all about. Yet these guys are scoring big(!) – probably, it is high time for us to check our facts and boycott what media forcibly tries to dunk shot down our gorges.

Brain Processing (begin: snail-pace): Stop. Wait. Read blurb. Analyze if it’s really useful. Check reviews. Read Preface. Double-check if it sounds sense. Lastly, the author – does he/she talk sense when eyeballs try to pass him through. Still, you’re motivated to read? Congratulations! You’ve found your next read. 

Brain Processing (auto-mode: jet speed): Reading commences.  

Sharing the Anglo-Western dream

This topic has been boiling over in my mind since quite a few days now, not because I am inching closer to changing my relationship status but because this concept seems much more worthy and substantive now that I have grown up.

Back in teenage, when major share of time was spent watching good old bollywood movies, cribbing about oldies romancing and humming aloud cheesy romantic songs, I always wondered how a man could bend on his knees so as to propose his love, giving up his chauvinism, the feeling he is worthier.  No, not me, it was the society in which was I brought up which is to be blamed for my frame of mind for I seldom saw men giving up to a woman.

On my way to maturity in terms of age and everything else, I have felt the wind of change. The Anglo-Western concept of bending on knees in order to pop the age-old-yet-romantic question ‘Will you marry me’ is no longer an ego issue with the masculine breed. I feel a modern city girl, once at least, daydreams of being proposed that way—the man in her life bent on his knees, with a ring (the metal doesn’t matter; or it does? O_o) in his hand, putting in all the efforts possible so as to hear a YES.

There is another perspective from where things might not look that rosy and admirable. It’s when the person in front is not desirable; who is a chump whom the girl has been looking for ways to not encounter ever. If such an unwanted person proposes someone, denying the proposal becomes more so an awkward and embarrassing thing to do, for proposals in public inadvertently attract eyeballs and many awwwws from the people around. Being prompt and opting an affordably sensible way seldom comes handy. Firstly, saying ‘no’ might as well make things worse besides making a public show. The fact that the person who is proposing should better be prepared to hear a negative response never finds its way to reality. Combating conventional prejudice that if a man has accepted superiority of a woman and her decisions,  she will have to say ‘yes’ no matter what stops her from doing that is quite a tough job.

I hope the modern generation learns to listen a ‘no’ whenever they bend on their knees to pop the question.  Aping West, if is done in a manner that advances us, should never be a loathsome subject. After all, chucking user manual to try hands at something afresh might not always prove you a geek. Showing true sportsmanship possibly could!

Nerd Alert

I think I have been bitten by some tech-savvy bug who has injected some of his highly contagious spittle into my veins making me talk and walk like a nerd! So now, face the torrent of my preternatural thoughts!

Umm… why are we super-possessed with predicting negative future? I remember when I was a kid, even if I was asked to write a report stating how, according to me, the world would be, say, after 10 years, I would be all like live-nerd, predicting every damn-so-weirdly-weird thing which either must have had been seen in some cartoons series or read somewhere or just like that!

For instance, I would say that I must be taking meals in tablet form or I must be flying around in Hoverboard jet cars or the world would get swamped in melted results of global warming and probably end, to be on safer side! :) Imagine… within just 10 years! :)

So, considering this as a normal human behaviour to get inclined to negativity while predicting the future, I further move on saying that Predicting Future has evolved a full fledged multi-zillions industry by now. People can now predict future using stars, tea leaves, crystal balls, tarot cards, spirit boards, octopuses or to worsen the situation, urine bubbles or even poop!!!!!

The heart of the matter is that people really love talking about and predicting doomsday. The early Christians believed that Jesus would come back in their life time, and that his coming would usher in God’s reign on earth and here ceases the human time. Over the years, the Christians and non-Christians have been fighting hard to allocate a firm date and thankfully, they both have been consistently failing till now. And yes, my mom has been telling me about Kalki since I dont remember when!

The new fuss, December 12, 2012! Not really! I bet the world would not end then. It has been made out that the big Mayan Calendar, which is just so footage-maniac that it has been in news from dunno when, is off by 50-100 years. How could one overwrite the ages old Mayan calendar with the modern Gregorian calendar, gee whiz!!? Technically, the end of the world would have had happened ages before, but we gruff Homo sapiens are still alive and breathing! Damn!

Not just this, even Time magazine predicted the onset of some ice age, citing global cooler temperatures and numerous other dangerously weird warning signs!

But the interesting part is that science fiction writers are marvelous future predictors! Like for instance:

• A space odyssey so accurately predicted the iPad in 1968, and I am still dreaming about it :)

• Interpol are testing out softwares that can predict crime before it happens… well, would be a boon for Indian thullas; they anyway don’t move from their chairs if not given any substantial reason or substantial piece of wired paper to do so! :P

•  In 1893, Jules Verne predicted the Internet, skyscrapers, calculators and a freakin’ building called Eiffel Tower, 23 years before it was actually built.

Somewhere this nerd-spittle rush assures me that even I could be a future-predictor... like I predict that you would read the next line of this blog.

Ha! You did!! Someone, please get me a diamond-studded crown!

Ohh yes! even Japanese futurists have come up with several cool, educated and guesstimated predictions like:

• By 2022, synthetic blood will make blood transfusions unnecessary, :)

• In 2026, we’ll finally have our robot maids, and I would kick my kit-kit maid out!

• By 2038, we’ll have aircraft that doesn’t run on fossil fuel, and I would probably own one!

These are quite convenient thoughts to flow along, by the way, and I would love to believe them! Way to go, Science!