Education is to Literacy is what Venus is to Mars

There’s been a lot of air around Gurmehar Kaur, her gimmick and an easy exploitation of social media by all the celebrities who thought they know it better. While there have emerged a lot of her supporters, there have also shown up a lot more opponents of the thought put forward by this student of LSR. The supporters have been calling names to the opponents, trying to mark their presence in the froth thus generated and the opponents have been trying to come up with equally wittier retorts to stage their presence. Meanwhile, the point that should have been the focus of the debate was lost somewhere in the echo.

Celebrities like Virender Sehwag, Kiran Rijiju and Randeep Hooda have been speaking against her stand and have somewhere made sensible excuses to come out clean. In an attempt to counter them and, also, to give his byte to the media to count in, the famous lyricist Javed Akhtar has made a comment which nowhere grants him a certificate for having superlative intelligence.

 By directly commenting on one’s literacy level, he seems to be offending several ‘educated’ folks out there who never saw the face of a school. There is a thin line of difference between education and literacy and both of them have zilch to do with what degrees one decides to add to his name.

There might be several people who are mannered, talk sense, earn well and are doing their bit in making their family, community, society and country proud. However, there have also been several such highly qualified, literate folks who have been named amongst the most notorious criminals ever. After all, it all boils down to one’s sense of judgment or how he reacts to things or situations facing him. Javed could well have highlighted their ignorance if at all he was to express his support for Gurmehar and controvert the league of opponents. However, his choice of word has, in a way, demeaned everyone who’s ever done great in their field of interest, which does not necessarily have anything to do with the academics.

Talk about these people, for instance. Folks like Virender Sehwag or Yogeshwar Dutt need not prove their level of commitment to their work or their caliber, for that matter, to anyone. Their mettle has already created tremendous noise throughout the world in their shinier days. Using one’s qualifications, education or family background as an evidence to prove oneself right is not only immature but also stupid. He could just have made his point sensible enough to get him limelight while expressing his support, but it surely would have been a way tougher and brainier task, no?

Safe, Says Who?

It was back in time when while strolling down a busy market street, a man half-drunk snatched her gold chain, the one she had bought right after she’d started to earn. While crying far too loud for everyone to notice, she realized how she had contemplated this can ‘never’ happen with her – the news, the incidents friends recalled, the headlines in the newspapers – all of it seemed to be pronouncing another planet’s situation, until that one day.

Precisely this. On one of the evenings while coming back from a party which ended a little late, but not that late to call it ‘really late’, she had to wait tad too long for an Uber. She had friends accompanying her. Yet, a bunch of men stopped their Eeco right in front of the footpath where they were standing, dragged her in, did all the misdeeds and threw her out right around the next turn. This might be another planet’s horror, another girl’s sorry story – hers was a way better luck, she thought. She was wrong, she realized.

And another. There were thousands of companies being set up every day, thousands getting shut. This game of companies was a part of primetime every alternate day – some stepping up their game in hiring fresh employees while other casting off manpower to feed money up the top management’s arse. 10,000 fired by Cisco, 5,000 by Ericsson, 2,500 by Dell – all of this sounded like some shitty melodrama news channels were playing to set the heartbeat of every person employed out there high, but not her. She was doing fine and her boss was too cool to be true. The work life was going strong and there was no effing reason why she should update her resume on the job portals. Only till that day. 

The last feed. She had a feeling she’s carrying money with her. She thought it will be a good idea to take an auto to reach the venue of her interview on time. She gets lucky to have found one just when she thought she should hurry up. She reaches there just five minutes before the time requested when she took her wallet out to pay the driver. To her surprise, she wasn’t carrying any money; how could she forget buying ice creams from Gyaani’s late the yester night and that she had thought she would take out money from the ATM the next day. There was none in sight right now. All the contemplation of the next act had wasted the precious five minutes. Did she have thousands in her account, yes! Did she have any now when she needed it – this cannot be happening with her!

It’s safe to take all the stories of the mishaps with a pinch of salt, just because our arses were saved from the fire – there wasn’t any close in the first place. But, assuming it will never happen with us is what we call a cocksure attitude. We all are living in a world too fragile to be called safe and the fact that we bear the brunt of each of the forces’ wrath, the destiny being our favorite, is a certificate sufficient enough to ring the bells for us. This girl, a lot like her, always thought she deserved better after all, she’d always been a safe player. Safe, says who?

What’s with this 'Bitchy' Trend?

There is a plain absurd trend in buzz, which is too tangy to bite and gulp down all in one breath. The reason it is too absurd is why I was compelled to take up for a long rant. The social media, where unless we are active people won’t believe we are alive, has actually become a battleground for people to show how they stand out. In this mad struggle, they have started choosing roads which are one-way and have no rules for treading whatsoever.

The new trend of reveling in calling oneself a ‘bitch’ seems inexplicable under every circumstance. So, you see pictures of girls pouting, posing weird and putting on a virtual gothic aura, trying to look like a rebel who must have done something extremely weird, calling themselves ‘bitches’. So, these new age bitches feel it is some sort of honor they have given themselves, something which makes them shine out from the crowd, giving them a distinct identity.

Mind you, this road is all one-way, for this passes like a breeze only till they use this cussword for themselves. They tend to make huge hue and cry out of situations where they are apparently called the same by people around them; for instance, strangers they bump into, hawkers they keep haggling with, drivers whose cars they keep ramming, guards who they demean or their parents, for that matter, who they don’t budge before misbehaving with. Under all these contexts, the cuss injures their ego to the point they are compelled to fill their eyes to the brim with kohl and then cry it all out. In fact, this whole drama is also accompanied by situational roleplaying of 'I-was-abused' that it takes days for them to get back to their usual ‘I-am-still-a-bitch’ self.

Call it generation gap or that I have passed the age to tune out any bullshit, I simply don’t get why wouldn’t one call herself a slut, for that matter, if it does no derogation to her image or reputation?

*slow slap (oops, clap)*

I see.

Love and Marriage

My latest read has, indeed, changed the way I have always looked at marriage. I, so, agree that most people spend far more time in preparing for their vocation than they do in preparation for marriage. Therefore, it is not surprising that they are more successful in vocational pursuits than in reaching the goal of marital happiness. Most couples give far more attention to making plans for the wedding than making plans for the marriage. Nobody ever prepares for marriage as though it were the most important human relationship he/she will ever have.

Being in Love Is Not an Adequate Foundation for Building a Successful Marriage

We all carry limited perspective about being in love. For almost all of us, the biggest reason why we want to get married to another person is ‘because we love each other’. Often, we fail to consider the fact that our social, spiritual and intellectual interests are miles apart. We fail to acknowledge that ‘love’ is not the basis for a satisfactory marriage. Being in love is an emotional and obsessive experience. However, emotions change and obsessions fade.

Doing a compatibility check on five important grounds – intellectual dialogue, emotional control, social interests, spiritual unity and common values would take a marriage way more far than these ‘tingles’ we call love.

Romantic Love Has Two Stages

The first stage, obviously, requires little effort because it is pushed along by euphoric feelings. Nobody has to really work on the relationship at this stage. The average life span of this initial stage of romantic love is two years. Coming down off of the emotional high leaves one nothing but disillusioned. The second stage is way more intentional. Those who make the effort to transition from Stage One to Stage Two, the rewards are astounding. Everyone has a primary love language. Learning how to express love effectively is the key. Five languages of love are – Words of affirmation (verbally expressing your admiration), acts of service (discovering what things they would life for you to do and then doing them consistently), receiving gifts, quality time (looking at each other, talking, listening), physical touch.

a.    Observe your own behavior – how you express love.

b.    Note what you complain about.

c.    What do you request most often

The Saying “Like Mother Like Daughter” and “Like Father, Like Son” is NOT a Myth

We all are greatly influenced by our parents. Identifying their negative traits and making sure that they do not repeat in us in a learned and conscious method could help us do wonders.

Learning How to Solve Disagreements without Arguing

All marriages have conflicts. Some couples learn how to resolve the conflicts in a friendly manner while others resort to heated arguments. Large or small, all conflicts have the potential of destroying an evening, a week, a month or a lifetime. On the other hand, conflicts have the potential of teaching us how to love, support and encourage each other. It’s all how one processes the conflicts. The real need is the need to listen. In marriages, it is never ‘having my way’. It is rather discovering ‘our’ way. Three strategies – meeting in the middle, meeting on your side and meeting later might help. 

Apologizing is a Sign of Strength

Learning the five languages of apology – expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, genuinely expressing your desire to change your behavior, requesting forgiveness. 

Forgiveness Is Not a Feeling

It is a decision to restore love and faith in the relationship.

Toilets Are Not Self-Cleaning

Confusion over roles is one of the most stressful aspects of contemporary marriages.

We Need a Plan for Handling Our Money

You don’t have any money problems when you have no money. After marriage, it is no longer ‘my money’ but ‘our money’, ‘our debts’, ‘our savings’. Second, agreeing on a percentage to save, give away and spend is necessary. 10:10:80 plan works most of the time – 10 for savings, 10 for giving away and rest 80 could be spent in medicine, transportation, utilities, insurance, clothes, recreation, etc. Housing and utilities should not exceed 40%.

Mutual Sexual Fulfillment is Not Automatic

While men focus on intercourse, women focus on relationships. For most women, sex begins in the kitchen, not in the bedroom. For her, foreplay is more important than actual act of love itself. Sex is a bonding experience. It is the union of male and female in the most intimate way. It is not joining of two bodies, but union of body, soul and spirit. Today, divorce rate among those who have had previous sexual experience before marriage is twice as high as those who had no sexual experience before marriage.

You Marry Into a Family

Spirituality is Not to Be Equated with ‘Going to Church’

Talking about our basic beliefs about God helps release a lot of tension.

Personality Profoundly Influences Behavior

Identifying yourself and the spouse as morning person or night person, as pessimist or optimist, as neatnik or a slob, Dead Sea or Babbling Brook, pointer or painter, passive or aggressive, professor or dancer, organizer or free spirit/spontaneous and logical or intuitive, helps dealing with the issues that might occur because of the difference.