A world above, a world beneath!

Shout out to all those who read this first on Women's Web

We are the smart couples, the ones who inhabit the skyscrapers one’d have been amazed looking at back in 90’s. These imposing edifices reflect not just prosperity on the owner’s part for they are no cheap, but also a sense of equality – living amongst the equals.

NCRs, or national crowded region, would consist of hundreds of ‘mini’ societies, which would boast of giving you a life you would have only dreamt of. True, back in 90’s, society only meant one, huge area, Punjabi Bagh West, for instance, where everyone would know who lives next door and, also, what happens in their lives. For now, several modern ‘mini’ societies have mushroomed around us and have changed the lives we have ever been living.

Coming to this second just passed, and this one I am trying to hold on to, I am looking outside of my balcony on the second floor in one of the poshest societies of Indirapuram. It’s been close to 10 months since we have shifted to this house and made it our own. This house and the society gives you a life which takes time to sink in, to get into your lifestyle and makes you alter your living habits as per its rules.

True, this is a society, which boasted of luxurious living on its marketing paraphernalia, and true that it takes care of all the tags you might want to console yourself with for having spent lakhs buying a small space in it – sprawling gardens, huge community hall, basketball, tennis, badminton courts, swimming pool, gym, kids’ play area, senior citizens’ club and everything else. But in the 10 months passed, I have only seen Mondays turn into Fridays catching up with work and the rest two days catching up with home.

The web we have intertwined ourselves in doesn’t really let anyone to sneak out and seek life. Husbands work, wives work, kids either confine themselves to schools or crèches and the rest, the stay-at-home lot – the retired or the housewives or a few like me working from home stay back and let the ‘society’ life make you solitary despite sensing the worlds living beneath, adjacent and above you.

There’s a home beneath me, a home above me; there’s a young couple living beneath and an elderly couple living above of me. The only connection I have with them is through our balconies – no I don’t see them there, I either drop clothes below or receive some from above. Balconies were only meant to dry out clothes – weren’t they? Soaking in the sun, savoring oranges, guavas or peanuts while basking in the sunlight are all passé, right?

While buying groceries one day, I ended up bumping into the girl who lived on the first floor, right below my house. I was amazed to know how she, too, dreamed of a friend in this vast society. It was impossible to have a life sans one’s work and home in this setup. But, what really stopped us? Well. Nothing.

Why don’t we step out and talk to each other? Why have we stopped passing smiles and exchanging pleasantries? Why do we no longer get together to celebrate mini victories or major losses? Why have we turned into the new-age zombies, who go to work, obey every duty and sleep in their pigeonholes? Why don’t we learn skills from each other or rather just talk and learn? Why don’t we make a first move for a friendship or a relation? Why is this ‘equality’ not helping in breeding friendships? Well, they didn’t guarantee a great social life in their marketing campaigns, they only did a great society. Pretty well, they have delivered. 

This post has been chosen as Spicy Saturday Pick by BlogAdda!

One year, countless memories!

This day, last year, we took the plunge to start living together, giving shape to our dreams. Reaching here, to this decision, settling in India and choosing to tread on the path which could prove to be extremely tough wasn’t taken in a day; it took us months and to me, it all seemed like an era.

I always tell my girlfriends it never seems to me that I live with my husband; the time we are spending now seems a mere extension to our dating time, when, of course, we were not staying together. It’s been a fun one year which has taught many life lessons I could possibly write a book about but, for now, let us do with a blog.

1. No expectations = life full of surprises. Pretty much. I never expected him to cook or wake up early and make me tea or take extra care of me when I am not well. He did, and I pretended to take all that like a breeze!
2. Friendship > marriage. Well, this dates back to the time from where it all started – it all started with friendship. So, we decided to retain the flavor and not adulterate with expectations marriage might hold from a couple.
3. You + Me = We. A massive change. Yes, it is a couple taking decisions now in almost all the spheres. For the first time in my life, I have been putting my view in taking big decisions and enjoying the discussions happening before the consensus is settled.
4. Marriage ≠ proving to each other. Accepting the other person the way he is, his way of living and thinking, habits, culture from where he comes all clubs into a package home-delivered to you, all wrapped in a gift paper. Living together would give way to whole lot of revelations which should just be taken as a milestone in knowing in each other and crossed happily.
5. Love = being comfortable. That pretty much is the crux. One year is a long enough time to understand each other rather clearly and be able to breathe superfine in each other’s company. When there’s nothing to prove to the other person, you learn to live just the way you are.
6. Marriage ≠ growing up: Yes! Be as crazy as you have always been and never let go of the things which actually bring pleasure to you. Though you have decided to grow old together but this sense of satisfaction of being with the right person might actually reverse age for you! Do not ever think of succumbing to societal pressures just because you’re growing old. I’ve been thinking of taking life one second at a time and, trust me, it makes me feel real light.
7. Best times = sitting and talking: Just this. I trust in you and you trust in me. That should end the story well.
8. Feelings ≠ words. When you live together with your husband and the feeling of being married starts sinking in, you realize that love is much more than words could ever define. It engulfs your relation, keeping it warm and giving you enough space for growth. You know no words could ever tell him how you feel and this feeling is so contagious that each other's mere presence would leave no space for words. You realize loving each other becomes as a habit as breathing.
9. Clashes ≠ serious fuckups: It’s perfect to fight like pigs and come together later in the day because you need someone to talk to. It would always be your decision what you would want to prioritize at any given point – person, relation, matter or your ego. After all, any stupid decision taken in haste would not mean end of all the problems, but starting of a new set of problems.
10. Success = being happy: This is my final word to sum up my one year this day. Love is being happy because you’ve been blessed to live the life of your dreams, to see things falling into place, to feel god’s blessings in all spheres of life and because you have so much to thank god for and even more to look forward to!

To the sheer happiness that spreads when we're together!

The Backstage Life

Casually browsing my television, I came across something which did not let my brain move on to other things. It was about the women who never came to the front and who were totally fine living a common man’s life when they could have easily reveled in celebrityhood, while their husbands actively scored hits over hits on Wikipedia searches. This was a random cookery show I was kind of stuck at till the credits set rolling and I noticed how a show being hosted by Sanjeev Kapoor was produced by his wife, Alyona Kapoor. I was amazed at how despite being equally well-read and talented, she was never really attracted to the ever-pulling limelight. And, then, I was reminded of so many such, who had delighted in their spouse’s success without creating noise about their own presence.

I have, for a very long time, emulated my idol, Sudha Murty. Reading more about her revealed to me how she, despite being from a service-class family, happily gave away her savings to fund her husband’s idea to start his own venture. All her life she believed in the power of her good thoughts and karma and stayed backstage, cheering him, a stalwart who is now an IT sensation in the entire world. She had her own area of expertise and interest, which she never lost hold of. No wonder her simplicity speaks for itself, even today.

Before I get carried away expressing my love for her, I should better come back to what I am trying to put forth. These women of substance seem to me not only an effective propelling force behind the successes of their spouses, but also a strong pillar of support who was always busy cushioning the grounds for their husbands just in case they fall bad. No wonder they meant business all the time they were being sensible while letting their husbands happily build castles in the air of the empire they would build sometime in future. I am sure trusting these weird, creative species requires whole lot of belief, patience and fingers crossed behind backs.

Speaking of whatever little experience I have, I am sure these ladies, after years of enduring an entrepreneurial husband, when finally get to see their nights turn into day, have very little left in them to claim their share of fame in the work space which never really belonged to them. I am sure there are enough reasons behind living the backstage life, the strongest one being the fact that they have been wanting, praying, begging for that one stroke, one shot, one right move in the play that would strike the chords for the idea to work right so much that they finally do not want to adulterate the taste of victory by giving it their personal flavor. 

Waiting for the first success, the first right move, first good news is nowhere a small task and having invested so much in wanting to see it real doesn’t command any more of their participation, other than them watching everything from the backstage. It is like you assist in cooking a dish and stand all the while in the kitchen watching it prepare, only to savor it way later after it was ready when the flavors are finally off your head, right?

This post has been chosen as the Spicy Saturday Pick by BlogAdda