One year, countless memories!

This day, last year, we took the plunge to start living together, giving shape to our dreams. Reaching here, to this decision, settling in India and choosing to tread on the path which could prove to be extremely tough wasn’t taken in a day; it took us months and to me, it all seemed like an era.

I always tell my girlfriends it never seems to me that I live with my husband; the time we are spending now seems a mere extension to our dating time, when, of course, we were not staying together. It’s been a fun one year which has taught many life lessons I could possibly write a book about but, for now, let us do with a blog.

1. No expectations = life full of surprises. Pretty much. I never expected him to cook or wake up early and make me tea or take extra care of me when I am not well. He did, and I pretended to take all that like a breeze!
2. Friendship > marriage. Well, this dates back to the time from where it all started – it all started with friendship. So, we decided to retain the flavor and not adulterate with expectations marriage might hold from a couple.
3. You + Me = We. A massive change. Yes, it is a couple taking decisions now in almost all the spheres. For the first time in my life, I have been putting my view in taking big decisions and enjoying the discussions happening before the consensus is settled.
4. Marriage ≠ proving to each other. Accepting the other person the way he is, his way of living and thinking, habits, culture from where he comes all clubs into a package home-delivered to you, all wrapped in a gift paper. Living together would give way to whole lot of revelations which should just be taken as a milestone in knowing in each other and crossed happily.
5. Love = being comfortable. That pretty much is the crux. One year is a long enough time to understand each other rather clearly and be able to breathe superfine in each other’s company. When there’s nothing to prove to the other person, you learn to live just the way you are.
6. Marriage ≠ growing up: Yes! Be as crazy as you have always been and never let go of the things which actually bring pleasure to you. Though you have decided to grow old together but this sense of satisfaction of being with the right person might actually reverse age for you! Do not ever think of succumbing to societal pressures just because you’re growing old. I’ve been thinking of taking life one second at a time and, trust me, it makes me feel real light.
7. Best times = sitting and talking: Just this. I trust in you and you trust in me. That should end the story well.
8. Feelings ≠ words. When you live together with your husband and the feeling of being married starts sinking in, you realize that love is much more than words could ever define. It engulfs your relation, keeping it warm and giving you enough space for growth. You know no words could ever tell him how you feel and this feeling is so contagious that each other's mere presence would leave no space for words. You realize loving each other becomes as a habit as breathing.
9. Clashes ≠ serious fuckups: It’s perfect to fight like pigs and come together later in the day because you need someone to talk to. It would always be your decision what you would want to prioritize at any given point – person, relation, matter or your ego. After all, any stupid decision taken in haste would not mean end of all the problems, but starting of a new set of problems.
10. Success = being happy: This is my final word to sum up my one year this day. Love is being happy because you’ve been blessed to live the life of your dreams, to see things falling into place, to feel god’s blessings in all spheres of life and because you have so much to thank god for and even more to look forward to!

To the sheer happiness that spreads when we're together!

My first Varalakshmi Vratham

My story is one perfect example of amalgamation of two cultures, one from cosmopolitan Punjab and the other from traditional Andhra. Going by my instincts or love or spirit to marry my beau had gotten me into a new land of a new language, new cultures, new traditions and new ways of leading life. Needless to say, it has been an enriching experience which I would have deeply missed had I gotten hitched in my own community. I always had hots for South Indian guys and since college, I was pretty sure I am going to fall for one from the foreign land and no wonder, the fate!

So, now, I am a semi-Andhraiite, still trying to get my tongue twist on the tunes of Telugu words and training my taste buds for spicy, Andhra food. But the best part about this cross-cultural union is that I get to celebrate the bests of the festivals from the North as well as from the South. We had God’s grace shining on us, so we could celebrate my first Rakhi and get all the love from my family. A day before, I got to celebrate my first Varalakshmi Vratham and this experience was both divine as well as overwhelming for both of us.

Since I do not have any elder’s guidance on how things should be, I had to bank on my cousin sisters-in-law, Kanthi and Pallavi and one great bhabhi (vadina, as they say in Telugu), Rani. These guys helped me great deal to understand the festival and the values hidden in it and perform the pooja according to the rituals. The best anchor, my husband was always next to me to lead the way but yes, he never forced anything upon me, neither if I should fast nor if I should perform the pooja. It was my interest and excitement which he fueled further .

So, I had my new sarees in place, gold purchased (kasu) in place, a thoroughly cleaned and decorated mandir in place and all the raw ingredients required to prepare the prasadam the next morning right in place. One best aspect of participating in South Indian festivals is you get to purchase plenty of new clothes and jewelry all the time! Anyway, the next morning, I got up at 5:30 in the morning, took a shower, draped my new saree and set out to my kitchen to prepare the five dishes I had plan to cook. I must say I not only surprised myself but also my best friend and my husband who couldn’t believe I could do all this in one go.

I prepared the following – carrot kheer, lemon rice, rava kesari, Pongal and daddhojanam. By 9, I was all prepared and set for the pooja. This vratham is not exactly a tiring one, as you get to eat right after you perform the pooja. We performed our pooja at 11:40 in the morning and had food right after that. This pooja experience was calming and, also, brought us closer as a couple – we recited all the mantras in Sanskrit together and sung the Arti, too. Singing ‘Lakshmi Raave Maa Intiki’, I, not even once, felt like an outsider. For the first experience, this one was truly outstanding! The craze to wear a new saree, to eat all these tasty dishes, to wear new jewelry and, of course, to do things right was all the driving force behind, but by grace of Maa Lakshmi, I had the best first Varalakshmi Vratham ever!

Daddhojanam or Curd Rice

Lemon Rice

Carrot Kheer

Rava Kesari/Halwa

Pongal

An Attitude of Gratitude

Here are some of my happy realizations, which make me want to give my life a bunny hug.

1. Living in the real skin

This incidence happened while I was preparing to head back to my home having taken steam bath in my fitness center. I bumped into this maid who was cleaning the washroom. Looking at my choorha and having concluded that I was recently married, she asked me if I was living at my in-laws’ place. Giving in to her curiousness, I answered affirmatively. I can’t really articulate the astonishment I saw on her face; I am too sure gravity had no role to play in making her jaw drop to the floor! She, very skeptically, re-asked me if they (my in-laws) do not object my wearing shorts despite my marital status. After seeing my what-is-this-nonsense look, she went ahead to explain to me the reason behind her bizarre reaction - back from where she came, she was not even allowed to let her scarf budge from her head to show off her hair. I got the gist and thanked God my ‘usual’ life lets me wear whatever I get my mind on. 

2. Technology, the savior

This was way back in time when I had begun working for Kobo, Inc. Since I worked from home, all my work was dependent on this black box I am fiddling with right now – my laptop. I remember the reaction on my maid’s face the first time she saw me and my boss video-chatting. She was all drenched in bewilderment seeing how I could see a person sitting millions of ‘houses’ away from me. Actually, she could not grasp how I could talk to a person AND see him on a ‘box’. I remember her telling me how many problems she faced while connecting to her mother back in her hometown, Nepal – financial being the first. I had to look at the sky and pass a flying kiss. 

3. Decision making

This doesn’t come easy to an ‘Indian’ married girl. All her decisions, big or small, financial or otherwise, relating to herself or her family, do not opt for an easy path to go her way. They demand an intervention at all levels, starting from her husband, to his family to the neighbors to everyone else but her. Finally, she consumes a broth everyone's but her mind has cooked. No wonder, Christ had me at the first alphabet of his name (it’s the same as my)!

4. Compliments from strangers

This one elates me to the core! During my internship there, I was waiting at the reception of All India Radio, holding a bouquet, for my aunt who had her birthday that day. I remember this beautiful lady, who passed by me, turned around, came back to me and said while lowering herself to my ears, ‘you're a flower holding a bouquet’! For once, I could not believe my ears - that was the best compliment anyone had ever given me. I could not help but smile that entire day and, worst still, almost everyone who knows me has listened to this incident more than once. Following that, there have been many from people like my gym trainers, kids playing around, my cousins, my friends and the family but it's the ones I have received from strangers that entered my mind and never really left.

5. The finest of the lows and the finest of the highs

Been there, done that. I have rode the wavelength of life, had my best smiles with tears and my worst tears with smiles at my crests and at my troughs. All in all, it has been a wonderful roller-coaster ride and it has always been about moving ahead, in the right direction. The best reason to look forward to life is that the best of it is ‘yet to come’!

6. Good food, good workout and good vibes

This feeling of being surrounded by exactly the people you have ever wanted to be with, the no-nonsense thoughts, the art of controlling the senses, love and prayers – this realization of how the best things in life don’t cost a dime is, surely, priceless.

7. Great books by my pillow

How could I not realize the immense power these little lumps of pages have before! Now that I have, I am not going to let this habit go till I am breathing. 

8. Chase them dreams

The feeling that marriage should set oneself free is contrary to what we are taught our entire spinster life. We've only got one life to dream big and fight for them!

9. The night outs!

Not that I was handcuffed when in home or there was curfew outside that I could not step out, but you know when you have doting parents back home who are curious to know what goes on in your life, it IS tough to go out on dates. The worst restriction on me was no night outs. Things seem to have changed now that I am hitched – we party all night, watch late night movies, dine late and never look at the watch while we're havin' fun. 

10. My blog

This crucial part of my life has not only brought me closer to some of the most wonderful intellectuals I would not have ever been able to meet otherwise, but also has made me embrace solitude like a warrior. Nothing really makes my day mighty fine more than writing and publishing a post and, further, reading the comments my readers leave on my blog - pure bliss! 

Lastly, love, love, love - parents, siblings, elders, colleagues, kiddos, acquaintances - it's raining everywhere and I feel it on my skin. As they say, good vibes are extremely contagious, I feel them sinking in :)