#BringBackTheTouch by taking it easy

Womanhood arrives with loads of baggages – the burden to act perfect, more responsible, disciplined, well-behaved, organized, modest, pocket-conscious and to carry all the pristine qualities one would associate with a “lady”. This idea of acting “perfect” drives us away from the basics life teaches us when we are born; acting free, letting things be and prioritizing happiness over everything else. Men, as the breed is famous for, appreciates all these qualities from a distance. They would surely not want any of the side-effects of being a “lady” come an inch close to them. This clash between ‘to-be' or 'not-to-be' perfect is what gives way to the infamous gap amidst a couple.

At times, the answers to the most tough questions or challenges life imposes on us is letting things be and being a mere spectator, waiting for the time to pass. You might never know how slowing it down or taking things easy could give a fresh air to breathe not just to the other partner but also to the relationship. Bringing back the warmth in a relation or rekindling the yesteryears’ romance wouldn’t remain a challenge you could only pray your way out of.

I remember a friend getting appalled by her husband’s attitude of not talking to her when he was back from work, despite her poking him a lot about the same. The answer she found to this problem was as simple as spelling this word out. She stopped poking him whenever he was back from work and waited for him to initiate discussions. Talking at his own convenience gave her husband immense relief as he could drive the conversation as per his choice and not as per his wife’s curiosity. Things just kept getting better thence for them. She would cook food, play soothing music and scent the house with the aroma he liked. Upon his return, she would serve him with a smile and give him the time he required to get himself out of the environment he has been spending his entire day in. From this time on, I never heard her cribbing about her husband’s ignorance or his being unromantic.

That’s how she found her way back to romance and a brand new, rekindled relationship, which had a lot of love, care and breathing space for each other. That's how they could bring the touch they were missing back. Taking things easy could do wonders we never had any idea about!
  

I got inspired to write more on #BringBackTheTouch by watching this video:

To know more about the campaign, please visit: http://www.pblskin.com/ or catch the action on twitter by using the hashtag #BringBackTheTouch 

Long distance, Skype and the things which irk me the most

I have to thank technology for its whole, truckload of contribution in my life. I would not have been able to survive a long-distance relationship if it wasn’t there. I know thousands of couples continue to kindle their relationships, no matter how far their spouses would be, through whatever combustible environment technology provides them.

Back in time, when it was decided that my spouse would be moving out of the nation in search of greener pastures, I was deeply disappointed for I knew my weekends would lose their meaning – and they did. I started to look sad and ugly on weekends, too (I work from home on the five weekdays and the weekends were the only time when I, all dolled up, got to step out of the four walls I constantly stared at the rest of the days). Anyway, time swooshed by and I couldn’t even get to know when it was five months already.

For all these days, we constantly were in touch – through phone (thanks to the free international minutes VoIP blesses you with) and Skype. Yes, this latter application has impeccably bridged the distance and talking is almost like catching up over coffee. A slight difference still exists – on our coffee dates, I looked the best of me and he, well he “tried” to look good J. Now, our dates are a mirror of how we would “actually” look at home.

It’s been quite some time since we have been putting this application to serious use and, now, I have started to get irked by it. Why? Well, at times, while talking, he would pan the phone camera across his flat and I would suddenly feel like flying to his place. And you smell romance here?! Read on.

I get deeply bothered by the mess around there and feel itched to CLEAN HIS ROOM (and fly back J)! Right from the kitchen to the hall and further to the bedroom, I don’t see a place a person could possible sit on or at. Ohkay, I might be getting way too serious about the normal behavior of ‘boys’ as you say, but what do you have to say about the concept of ‘cleaning’. Cleaning home, according to him, means packing his bag – just the bag!

Meanwhile; somewhere on the planet.

Precisely, an easy out to most of the problems out there!

As I calm down, I understand there are ways people live by and it’s not necessary yours would perfectly overlap with your partner’s and I totally believe contrasts like these give way to a rainbow of colors you would not have ever noticed had life been spick-and-span like a monochrome light.

To put off the heat of the argument, he has a strategy which seems to work, almost always. I am rather compelled to stop ranting when I am told I sound more like a girl. Fact check: I am a girl. Super-twist: I never want to sound like one. Reason: No, that’s not an insult. Further explanation: Stop pissing me off, will you? I am a perfect mix of the best of the girl and the boy traits (with the former dominating a bit. A BIT.) No matter what, messy room is not acceptable. No, I don't want to see it all over again. Wait! I would not be able to see you otherwise. I love Skype. Rant Over.

Backatcha!

  

Behaving My Age

It’s that time of the lifetime when you finally have to change skins to become a responsible human being while your inner soul still pretends to be a kindergarten brat; that time when speaking shit comes as easy as a storm in a desert and listening patiently seems a task next to impossible; the age when the conscience about one’s own stupidity does not show up and everything that you say sound pearls of wisdom to yourself; when doing household tasks seem the most crucial KRA of your maid and you helping her in the same implies deduction in her salary; when the fact that you earn and work in an MNC overpowers everything else left to do in the world, including cooking and when you look in the mirror and feel tad too proud of the way you look and wonder who on Earth would be able to match that nerve and fail to find one name, even close – YES, this age, this time, this phase – PRECISELY this is when THEY decide to get you married!

It’s like taming a mad ape – accepting that you are getting married and knowing that you get to be the female in this setup – the traditional one who behaves the way others program her to. The one advice, order, request or commandment that you hear from all the directions, while you happily behave the way you have been doing since ages, is “behave your age”. “Well, I’ve been all the same!” is all I can say in return. Suddenly, everything you do right from dressing to walking, from speaking to shutting up, from eating to picking your utensils up from the table, from getting up in the morning to pretty much, existing starts to appear faulty to those people who loved every bit of whatever nonsense you did before THIS time.

Now, I try to behave my age – in fact the one well ahead of it. It will, obviously, take me some time to shed the skin I have been comfortably living in since ages. But all that I have got to do is try to monitor how I behave, timing my smile, gauging the number of times I nod, looking at all random places while keeping mum in a room where the topic being discussed seems as stupid as the arguments being thrown to defend each other by the people involved, checking the usage of words like shit, crap, fuck, bitch, booh and trying to fit in a circle of “all grownups”.

Or, I have got an easier way out! I believe in order to get a valid visa to be able to step into the shoes of an “espoused”, all that you need to do is screw this gyaan up and team with your spouse up for a bigger mess. You never know, he might already be choking himself while acting a “grownup”. Behaving your “self” over your age is a nice idea for a cool, relaxed life. I bet behaving my age would never come easy to me, especially when I know I am good when I am “a lady” but I am much more a fun when I am “me”.

CB: Chuck Bullshit!

I am sure you all must have seen this entire, front-page advertisement in a famous national daily and like me, you all must have been surprised to see the hype being created around a book. Chetan Bhagat; I should have guessed who could possibly be behind the whole campaign. This guy has reached a position in the industry, both publishing and cinema, where his words are considered worthy by financers to bet on.

I was able to digest, well almost, the fact that an author who has got nothing great to offer to the Indian literature has become the torch-bearer, a representative of the same. I am, suddenly, reminded of Honey Singh who proudly blabs out in his latest song that he would soon bring a Grammy home. Well, dreaming big bears no taxes or hidden charges, but all of us know what would the standard of the India music industrys be if he’s finally able to get one. Please chew and spit out the clichéd theory that Indian youth “wants” to hear to that kind of music. NO. Indian youth is being tortured to death by forcibly making them listen to these songs no matter where they go, be it clubs, bars, weddings, family functions or on any music channel, for that matter. It seems as if we are gagged by someone else’s choices.

Precisely, the same stands true for Chetan Bhagat. The fact that India Today’s Chief Editor, Arun Purie, had to write an article and explain WHY on earth he chose CB as his cover model for the August edition implies his feeling of guilt of having done something nobody expects of him – giving a revered space to someone who just doesn’t deserve. (India Today Editor-in-Chief Aroon Purie on Chetan Bhagat's forthcoming work of fiction)  

One Night @ the Call Centre, The 3 Mistakes of My Life, Five Point Someone, 2 States – I never found substance in any of his work and, now, his latest stint as a scriptwriter in the movie, Kick, has cooked up nothing but rotten Briyani this Eid for all the Salman Khan fans. Touted as the representative of Indian youth, a leader, a motivational speaker, Chetan Bhagat is trying to grab all possible accolades which could reserve him some space in media columns and TV talk shows.

There’s some deliberately concealed information beneath the buzz we hear around his upcoming book, Half Girlfriend. The fact that all the media bytes, advertisements and online publicity is being handled by Flipkart on its own expense is something we never hear about. Flipkart, on its attempt to outgrow other retailers like Amazon, Google or Kobo, is trying his hands at these marketing stunts. Further, the initial print run of the book is speculated to be two millions – a whopping number in a world where a print run of 5,000 grants the status of ‘bestseller’ to a book and where piracy comes as easy as poop.

I am sure his latest book would already have been bid for as a movie script by numerous prominent directors but all the avid readers know that whatever Chetan Bhagat writes is not only difficult to relate to, but also is tasteless, bitter tablet of BS served to someone who is out to savor the best delicacies being offered in publishing. It is surely not something readers die waiting for, contrary to popular belief. Chetan Bhagat is clearly not for someone who’s seen classic literature, exactly like Honey Singh is NOT for someone who knows what music is all about. Yet these guys are scoring big(!) – probably, it is high time for us to check our facts and boycott what media forcibly tries to dunk shot down our gorges.

Brain Processing (begin: snail-pace): Stop. Wait. Read blurb. Analyze if it’s really useful. Check reviews. Read Preface. Double-check if it sounds sense. Lastly, the author – does he/she talk sense when eyeballs try to pass him through. Still, you’re motivated to read? Congratulations! You’ve found your next read. 

Brain Processing (auto-mode: jet speed): Reading commences.  

#Delhi #Girls #Enoughsaid #Truth

Here, truth unleashed by a person who has actually been there, done that – a Delhi girl who had all her ancestors living and dying on this very soil and, thus, who knows it the best hands down. I am sure people like Honey Singh or amateur video film makers, who have been living in a virtual world of envy and covetousness, and their blasphemous productions in terms of music or videos, which went viral online, have conveyed the message entirely wrong and have ended up giving out a message which only compares to BS.

The reason why they find this subject worthy enough to ponder on is a proof enough that they just cannot kick Delhi girls out of their “small town” mind, which fits nothing right except for regrets of not being able to match up.

Fact check: we laugh, not giggle, when we see all those extremely amateur videos describing us and our ways and we sincerely wish speedy recovery of all those behind the scenes!

Plot Twist: During our catchups with friends and family, we discuss how these feeble-minded fellas have no clue how they are imposing their seriously flawed opinions about Delhi girls on people absolute strangers to them. They actually appear aliens to us, with zero sense of environment, class and substance.

Here’s why Delhi girls pay no attention to the crap ‘migrants’ spill about them:

1.   For us, absence of acknowledging class measures to having no class. Blame it on your taste if you don’t know why we spend a lot.

2.   “Maine aape ae kamayi, mainu daddy ne ni ditti”. Living in the land of opportunities, we have inbred feelings regarding earning and spending, despite the fact that our dad is filthy rich.

3.   You call it blabbering, we call it communicating. We love to speak and this bears no business with any third person whatsoever.

4.   Being a trophy wife is for losers! A Delhi girl knows how to earn every inch of respect she gets.

5.   Being educated is a dream for you? We spare you for that. We have been living the best of our lives amongst technology, media, Internet and all other first-hand pleasures you could only ambition about.

6.   Polygamy. A serious misconception about Delhi girls among people who don’t belong here. If your partner dumped you for being incapable, you don’t have to air any of YOUR generalized misconception about us. May be you were a born loser; may be, you deserve a nag, a dictator or a robot – surely not anyone who uses her brain.

7.   Metro, traffic signals, driving, shopping alone, gym, clubs, cafés, weekends, outings - all are NOT a big deal for us. No, we are not scared of doing all this alone. Babysitters are for serious losers!

8.   Opportunistic - nice way to hide your incapability to match her and her standards.

9.   Outwardly outspoken and selfish: being in a relationship doesn’t make us any bonded labor. We have a life beyond the relationship; our friends. Difficult to digest for you? We have railways and flights plying back to your town every hour! 

10. Attitude problem. Ohkay! This sounds li’l amateur to us. Ignoring you could have as a simple underlying implication as disliking you.

11. And to sum it all up, stop categorizing, please! Girls from Delhi smoke, drink, party all night, bed everyone, spend a lot, are impolite, are anti-social or are opportunistic are a few ideas people might have wrong implications about. Remember what Jacques Couture once said?  

Welcome to a cosmopolitan city!

 Have you ever heard us talk about paranoiacs from UP or behenji’s from Haryana? Yes. That. We hate being categorized on the filth someone else spills. Understood? #Kthanksbye

 

Very Simple!

Fifteen Things Indian Women Should STOP Doing in the Gym

So, it's a big deal for you that you've joined a gym and you're really excited about it. Here's a quick guide to help you with what happens in the gym and how not to participate in this if you ever intended to do that?

1.      Asking naturally slim girls if they’ve lost their minds or their ways that they’ve landed up in a gym:

Serious flaw with the mentality: we just cannot gulp down the fact that a gym is not a furnace for overweights to burn their love handles in. Instead, it is a setup meant for working out, not restricted to people with their weights falling in any particular range on the weighing scale. I must have faced this question around hundred times from ten different ladies (yes, they bother to ask the same question twice, thrice, or as many times as they please, till they don’t hear you saying you had extra money you just didn’t know where to dump) all searching for answers, I never figured out right.

Why is SHE even allowed here?

2.      Recommending modelling as a career to all the evidently lean girls:

I remember once a middle-aged woman urged me to take my headphones, which I had plugged in happily while working out, off just to tell me that if, by any chance, I don’t study anywhere and if I'm not working, too, I should opt for modelling as a career, because she thinks I perfectly fit the bill. No, I do not resemble any popular actor/model; I just appear thinner compared to the rest there. Honestly, I was flattered hearing the compliment but I lost faith in humanity after I heard her saying the same bloody thing to another lean girl who had just joined the same gym. Bloody kidder!

3.      Asking every other thin girl, but the instructor, a few ‘effective’ workout tips:

“These exercises the instructor has recommended don’t really seem to work; do you have any better in mind, the ones that you follow, to share with me?” I was scandalized when I heard a lady asking me while I was doing crunches. 

Fact check: slim girls know no crosscut to get you your curves back. Probably, they are fighting their way to reach there, too. There are absolutely NO shortcuts. Back to crunches. Five. Six. Seven. Eight.

4.      Gossiping within the time they allocate to exercising

Why? I am dying, almost choking, to know the reason! The reason why it’s tough for women to refrain from chatting the moment they see someone from the same breed. You’ve got one effing hour to spend in the gym, out of which you happily babble away half in discussing things which do no good in cutting your tyres. Applause. You're near to a brighter, slimmer you, IN YOUR DREAMS!

5.      Wearing tight-fitted clothes, or the clothes they possibly want to fit in, to the gym

Ohkay! So, you’ve bought a brand new legging from Puma, one size smaller by choice, so that you fit into it when you work out. No, you don’t; unless, of course, you work hard for some time to be able to do that. Please don’t spoil the scenic beauty of the gym by wearing clothes that not highlight, but choke your assets to death. Mercy, please.   

6.      Not wearing appropriate gym clothes

Reference: sports bra. I understand you never bought one, because you thought Daisy Dee or Shrimati was always a better brand; but, understand that every time you cycle hard, rock that stepper or do aerobics on “jee karda bai jee karda, tenu kol bithava jee karda”, you give your knockers a rather bigger playground to roll in. Tame these kids. Please.  

7.      Flashing their bling while they workout

“A new ring? I’ve gotta show them all. Instructor, I have a problem. THIS one. Cycle with one hand, the other busy in adjusting the ring. THIS one. Picking the dumbells, turning the wrist to 360 degrees just to show the girl standing immediately next the new bling on the finger. THIS one. I honestly give a damn. THIS way.  

8.      Assuming that working out gives them the liberty to eat whatever they wish to

Overheard: I went for a chat party with my family yesterday. You know, coming to gym daily gives me liberty to have whatever I wish to. I feel SO fresh. 

My take: Round of applause for you. Bullcrap!

9.      Asking girls, who don’t LOOK married, about their marriage

When is it happening? Has the guy been finalized? What’s your age? What do you do? Why don’t you take UPSC exams? What’s the package you draw? What on earth are you waiting for? Do you suffer from any chronic disease? How many stars are in their in Sagittarius constellation? What is the value of Pi? Who invented the wheel? What’s the procedure to operate on a patient looking for a kidney transplant, who also had a bypass surgery done recently, and has a high blood pressure, hyperthyroidism, hypertension, pneumonia and high-sugar level in blood? Water! Glucose! Somebody help; she has fainted!

10.  Asking instructor about her marriage

She is the one, who is technically training everyone to tread on the way out of their fat-skin days and she deserves to be spared. Yes. 

11.  Asking guard about his marriage

Guards? Ohkay. You have ample time and so does he, nightingales! Continue chirping, but out of the premises, please.

12.  Believing every random tips that comes handy regarding losing weight.

I overheard a middle-aged fat woman advising the other to drink warm water as and when she’s done with the workout to lose weight faster. NO, please. Don’t believe any Tom, Dick and Harry walking with an opinion regarding weight loss. Do NOT go by “Lose weight now, ask me how” behenji’s for they will make sure you end up saying, “Lost my money now, my tyres don’t please, somehow”.

13.  Not asking enough relevant question regarding the workouts:

Do this; do that. This way, turn right, then turn left. Madam, what are you doing? What my instructor has asked me to do. What is this meant for? Shut up; let me work out. Oops! Out of the scene.

My take: please ask questions for if you don’t bother to ask, the instructor won't bother to tell. Why this workout; which body part does this affect; weight load, gradual progression – ask it all. Consider it as if the exercise was to get married with some other one!

14.  Taking long breaks between workouts drinking water, wiping out sweat, taking selfies, checking statuses or just giving others nasty looks

You already lost the rhythm your body got into during the first workout session. Now, the fat went back to sleep and so will you. Long breaks only burn time, not your fat. Back on the twister. FAST.

15.  Giving dirty looks to every girl who wears lesser clothes than what is socially acceptable

Tank tops, shorts, capris, hot pants, leggings, bandeau – everything is acceptable as long as you’ve got a body to flaunt it right. Icky looks won’t get you a thing because if you think it is wrong, it's is undoubtedly your problem! Get over it and now, resume your running and keep that smile when you do that! :)